river’s birth story

I contemplated sharing this — birth is so personal and unique, but I remember all of the birth stories I read while I was pregnant (especially in Ina May Gaskin’s book … highly recommend). It was through these birth stories that my mind really began to open to the possibilities of what birth could be.

We had a home birth (more on that decision here).

I’ll start by saying that I had mentally convinced myself that River would come after my guess date. I knew that was typical for most first babies (also — PSA that 40 weeks is not “law.” For example, France uses 41 weeks.). I digress.

So while I was generally prepared — we had finished birth education with our doula, everything was set up in our house for the birth and postpartum, the nursery was ready, you name it … I was not actually prepared (mentally) to go into labor before my guess date.

First lesson in birth - let go of trying to control all of the things!

I had been doing acupuncture throughout my pregnancy with a practitioner I love. It was a Tuesday and I had gone in to see her as usual. We had the session and she specified she wasn’t going to work with any of the points that are thought to induce labor unless I was getting closer to 42 weeks. Great!

We had the session, chit chatted after, both making guesses about when my daughter would arrive and I was on my merry way.

I stopped at the grocery store on my way home to pick up more ingredients for pumpkin muffins. FWIW — prior to a few days before this moment I have never liked anything pumpkin. Like, it actively grossed me out. Suddenly I was craving it like crazy. Maybe that was my first indication that things were shifting.

So there I was in the grocery store, reaching for the flour when splash! I feel liquid running down my legs. Uhmmmmmmm, now what?! I look around, clearly having an “uh did that just happen” moment. And because I was so convinced this baby was not coming for at least 2 more weeks, my next thought was “wow, I must have just peed my pants?” (also strange, but I was so pregnant I thought maybe my body is doing weird things.) Surely this couldn’t be my water breaking… (in hindsight, it couldn’t have been more obvious that this was in fact my water breaking).

I contemplate finishing my grocery run, but somewhat spastically put my groceries down and hobble out to the car. I call my husband, Jesse, and tell him that I think my water broke. Calm as a cucumber, he says he’s heading home from work.

I call my midwife and they recommend I come in so they can make sure this is the real deal. A quick trip to the office, more leaking bodily fluids (I’ll spare you the details), and they confirmed (very quickly) I was in fact in labor. Okay! I am feeling very excited. More nervous than expected. It. is. happening!

And then, they tell me that if I am not in active labor in 24 hours that I would need to go to a hospital.

……what?

Internally, I was freaking out! I had done everything to prepare for a home birth, including coming to terms with the very small possibility of a hospital transfer, but I did not even have on my radar that I would possibly not even have the chance to try for a home birth if things didn’t pick up soon.

At this point I am even more excited, but also can feel myself slipping into panic. Ah, here comes the opportunity to put into practice allll of the things I have been doing leading up to this moment.

We go home and everything is feeling surreal. One way or another, we are having a baby SO SOON!

I do everything I can think of to help get oxytocin flowing and to make me feel relaxed and my doula is texting me tips. (This is something we teach in HypnoBirthing - all of the lovey-dovey things actually make a difference. We are mammals that need to feel safe to give birth. Puppy cuddles, a warm bath, relaxing herbal tea (red raspberry leaf was my go to during pregnancy), intimacy, walking, music, the list goes on.)

By about 2am, I am having light contractions (for the rest of this post I will use “waves”). We go to bed and I try to sleep as best as I can. Admittedly, I was so excited so sleep was a bit of a challenge.

We decided not to tell family yet that anything was happening. It felt like that might add more unnecessary pressure given the circumstances.

I wake up on Wednesday morning, still with light waves coming every few minutes. Nothing crazy and I am going about my usual activities.

My midwife practice had given me a “midwives brew” to use to help labor get started if needed — my husband and I picked this up out of the trunk of one of the midwives cars in the parking lot. This felt like the most epic drug deal.

At 7:55am on Weds morning I get the go ahead from my midwife to take the brew. The brew included almond butter, apricot soda, a few other ingredients and …. my dear friend castor oil*. I blended everything together and out comes a thick sludge. Standing in my kitchen with my husband, I take a deep breath and look at the concoction knowing that I have no idea what is on the other side of this (other than a baby). An eerily familiar feeling from my plant medicine journeys.

*There is mixed guidance about ingesting castor oil generally, especially while pregnant. Consult with your provider and do what feels true to you.

Then, we wait! I have no idea what I did in the minutes after the brew. But at some point shortly after, my waves start to pick up and I get settled into our basement where we had set up our birthing den, the birth tub, and labor supplies.

Jesse is watching the clock and timing my waves. Kona, our dog, is wandering around being goofy as usual.

At 9:30am Jesse texts our doula and our birth assistant to let them know things are “progressing quickly over here.” Waves are 2-3 minutes apart and I am no longer able to talk during them. Meanwhile, Jesse is crossing his fingers and toes that someone other than him will be here for this birth (ha!).

At this point, the castor oil is in full swing with it’s effect as a laxative … wow. I (also) did not prepare for this. Thankfully my digestive system cooled down within about 45 minutes.

I labor downstairs, primarily on an exercise ball. My doula also brought the TENS machine, a true godsend. Once she arrived, both Jesse and I felt more at ease. It’s happening!

A note for those who have never attended a birth — it is simultaneously the most magical and also boring and unremarkable thing for most of the time. The three of us sat in our basement, chatted, listened to my music, and waited.

At one point, I think — we should probably tell our family we are having a baby, but by this point I am way too far into the experience to think about this any further.

The waves pick up and they are intense at this point. I am most comfortable sitting on the exercise ball doing pelvic circles and rocks. At one point I got up and tried to lay on my side. WOW for whatever reason that was incredibly more painful than when I was upright…I was so grateful for the ability to move freely throughout labor and birth. Some things were nearly intolerable and others felt so much more supportive. Not being hooked up to anything was an underrated luxury.

Deep vocalization was also my friend during labor when my breath alone was not cutting it. Frankly, it was hard to get my pitch low sometimes, but I knew this was ultimately the thing that was most supportive to facilitate labor. The only thing I can compare it to is an ice bath when you first get in. Everything in your body wants to tense up with the sensation, but the best way to navigate the experience is use the tools available (breath, voice, mind/body connection) to help yourself relax. Easier said than done, y’all.

Our midwife and birth assistant arrive at some point around 11am(ish).

The rest of the story becomes a little blurry as far as order of events. Labor is a journey and my brain was absolutely not functioning as it normally does. There is a reason other cultures describe altered states of consciousness during birth.

So at some point my midwife offers a cervical check. She offered this one time. (Another major perk of having a provider who trusts the unfolding of birth. Less intervention in all ways.) She says I am 3cm dilated … my heart admittedly sunk momentarily … until she said “actually it’s closer to 6cm” (oh thank God I think … because this is getting challenging!). There is a small part of me that is wondering how accurate this is, but then I remember the only way out is through, and frankly I should just get back to navigating this experience. My midwife team goes upstairs to leave me be, while Jesse, our doula, and me continue on our journey.

After that, I am back in the experience. Doing my best to breathe and ride each wave. Still using the TENS machine, trying to move when possible, my doula is offering hands on support and counter pressure, Jesse is holding my hand, squeezing my shoulders, and getting me bone broth and energy balls (which I absolutely dropped on the floor mid bite the moment another wave started).

Things continue to intensify and I am totally consumed by the experience. At one point, Kona comes to lay on my feet and it was one of the most grounding moments that stick out from my birth experience.

Then around 12pm my doula takes out the labor combs. We are at peak intensity. I am vocalizing quite a bit.

As I am writing this reflecting back, those moments in between waves are truly a saving grace. Time to pause, re-center, and remind myself I can do this.

Then at some point after 12-12:30pm, my midwife team comes back downstairs. They check River’s heart rate with a doppler (and they did this throughout the process). Then my midwife says it’s okay for me to get into the birth pool.

All I can remember thinking is THANK GOD. Because I know this means 1) I am progressing and our baby is coming soon … (by the way I knew this with no awareness of what time it was, if I had dilated further, or any other quantitative markers) and 2) a new environment and bodily sensation feels really important right now.

I truly cannot describe how incredible it felt to get into the water. It was like a warm hug and just the reset I needed.

Jesse was tasked with maintaining the temperature of the water (which evidently is a very small and specific range).

I continue laboring in the tub and things start to get blurry here. The sensations are wildly strong. I am moving freely, doing lunges on my knees and rocking my pelvis back and forth. The time between surges seems to be shorter and I am having to really work to keep myself grounded. My doula is holding my hand and coaching me along. Jesse at some point steps outside to tell our families we are having a baby … like now!

I start to feel pressure and I can tell that I am struggling to relax and surrender into the process. I am giving myself a pep talk (maybe in my head…maybe out loud?). I am repeating to myself “I am ready to be a mother” “I can do this” “I am ready”.

My midwife comes over and there is one moment that is so crystalized in my memory. I am in the tub, my yogi playlist is on in the background, I am so deep in labor and I look up to see my doula, my birth assistant, and my midwife — all 3 women, sitting around the tub watching me, coaching me so quietly and patiently with their supportive presence. It almost brings me to tears just writing this now. To feel so deeply supported by other women was one of the most healing and transformative parts of my birth experience. I remember thinking — this is how the container of birth should be. Sacred. Supported. Unhurried. Quietly powerful. Immensely beautiful.

The pressure is very much building. It’s one of those things that is hard to describe until you experience it. There really is no other way to describe it other than it feels like you are taking the biggest poop of your entire life (just keeping it real).

Before I know it my doula keeps saying “power down” to help me breathe this baby out. At one point I am yelling “OOOOOPPPEEEENNNNN!” (which is hysterical in hindsight. Our basement door was open to the backyard of our townhouse, there is a 100% chance our neighbors could hear this all happening).

And then, the top of her head is already out and she opens her eyes under water — I am on my knees leaning over the side of the birth tub. My midwife has a flashlight to see into the tub, which naturally makes Kona lose his marbles. He is quickly escorted upstairs.

With a couple more waves, our daughter is born at 1:49pm. Jesse is right in the action catching her (with some major assistance from our midwife) who passes her through my legs and I immediately bring her to my chest and sit back in the tub. I am so emotional. Inner Peace by Beautiful Chorus is playing. My midwife quietly says — “she wants to know her name” to which I sob “It’s River!” Our doula caught all of this on video and it is something I will cherish forever, and cannot wait to show River when she is older. I highly recommend documenting some of your birth if you can.

Time is still warped at this point. I am holding River, Jesse is leaning over my shoulder. Holy shit. I am so proud of myself and of us.

The sensations of labor were so intense that once River is out, I kind of lose track of all of it. My midwife and birth assistant are asking me to work with my waves (because they continue after your baby is out!) to birth the placenta. I am barely listening because I am just so amazed by this little being that came out of my body.

In any case, my placenta is not coming out. My birth team did an amazing job not raising the stress or alarms whatsoever. The birth assistant is giving me a tincture to help facilitate the placenta delivery. Evidently that isn’t working either. At one point they help me out of the birth tub and I go over to the side of the bed. Our midwife has to help deliver the placenta with her hands. This was one of my least favorite parts about the experience, but I was so euphoric after the birth that this kind of just went along and was insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Our midwife showed us the placenta in detail. It was amazing (I know this is very gross to some people … not us). I get in bed, Kona comes running down the stairs to meet his sibling, we take many photos, and Jesse gets to weigh River. As our midwife is getting River settled and documenting the things that need documenting, she is simultaneously saying the kindest things to River about her emerging life. It is just so beautiful and again, the way I wish all providers treated their patients.

We all enjoy homemade soup after. It’s a beautiful day outside and I am just on cloud nine with our emerging little family. And while the coming weeks would have their (major) expected and unexpected challenges, I soaked in the post-birth-bliss holy-shit-I-just-did-that feeling.